As I pack up and leave Camp Bastion after almost five months I have mixed feelings. It will be good to move on and be one more step closer to home, but I will miss the people here and the patients I've treated. Before I leave, I wanted to just point out a couple more things that make the British unique. So back, by popular demand...
The British are a very proud country and can twist almost any part of history in their favor. For instance, I was told they threw the American Revolution because they saw that we could take care of ourselves and they didn't really try to win anyway. Sounds a little fishy. Another example is Henry the VIII. To us he was the King that had six wives - three of which he just outright killed. He disowned his first born daughter (although he brought her back in the fold just enough so she could become one of the most treacherous Queens in British history). And finally he pretty much gave the finger the Catholic Church which lead to the creation of the Church of England. This last item can be argued to have lead to the creation of the US as well as the continued strife between Northern Ireland and England. Regardless of this he is remembered as one of the greatest Kings in their history.
So, I've mentioned the game of cricket a couple of times in these posts, but one item I forgot to mention was how they spend their intermission. In the US we think of famous half-time speeches of Knute Rockne (win one for the gipper) or Jim Tressel (don't tell anyone about the free tattoos boys and run it down their throats). We think of bloody, sweaty men near exhaustion getting ready to play their hearts out for two more quarters. Its a great image and makes for great drama. Well, one day as I was agonizing over watching even more cricket I noticed that they had just announced that they would have the afternoon break after one more over (too long to explain what this is). I asked one of the Brits sitting in the room what they do during the break. Do they go over strategy, do they gulp gatorade, do they get impassioned speeches about winning one for their country? None of the above he replied. They have hot tea and cucumber sandwiches. (Insert stunned silence) Of course they do. I cannot make this shit up.
I think I have mentioned the near beer that is omnipresent around base and the Doctor's Lounge is no exception. We basically had two refrigerators there, one for food and milk and such, and the other only for the near beer - which much to my surprise almost everyone had at the end of the day. We even got special deals from the PX as it wasn't a very popular item - three cases for the price of one. We usually stored about 10 to 12 cases under the bookshelves in the lounge so we would always have a ready supply. One day, one of the newly arrived surgeons decided that the fridge appeared to be icing a little and wanted to take care of it. I thought that wasn't a bad idea, why not. His tool of choice - of course it was a 6 inch hunting knife. As he started to chip away at the cumbersome ice there came a sudden hissing sound, accompanied by a small amount of steam and a faint smell of CO2. Yes, he had succeeded in piercing the freon canister. But wait, it gets better - his fix.....wait for it....Bubble gum. It didn't work. Shortly after we had a Kangaroo court to determine his fate. The best statement of the night came from one of the US physicians. 'Makes sense that you would use a sharp knife to deice the fridge, because it's not hot enough outside to defrost it five minutes.'
There is a basketball court near the hospital and we've usually play on Saturdays around five o'clock. The baskets are old and droop about a foot, and we call those 'very forgiving rims'. The court is also surrounded by railroad ties, so not much of an out of bounds area. By and large we ruled the courts and after a couple of weeks the Brits would no longer play just the US players. So we made a deal - lets play you in soccer on the same court, US v. UK. Bad idea. Turns out they are actually pretty good at it. My thinking was that I will just play physical and kick the ball as hard as I could. Final result - UK 12, US 2. My personal stat line went something like this - Newman - two bloody knees, one pulled hamstring, one sprained ankle, 0 goals, a red card and a lot of Brits who hated my guts.
I don't want to say the British are elitest, but if it quacks like a duck. Recently we had a British celebrity come visit the troops. Her claim to fame was that she stared in a talent show, won the contest, joined an all girl band (not one of the Spice Girls) and ended up marrying a very famous soccer star (again it wasn't one of the Spice Girls). I had no idea who she was, but the entire conversation among the British Doctor's that day was about how she had no talent and didn't come from good stock. However, she seemed to be a real hit with the troops. As she made her way around the hospital visiting the soldiers she leaned over and signed an autograph for one of the nurses. From way in the background came the sole voice of one of the British surgeons. 'Oh, my God, she can read afterall.' Stay classy San Diego.
Most of you back home probably didn't even realize that the Rugby World Cup is going on right now. The format is similar to the Soccer World Cup and starts out with a round robin where everyone plays each other and the top two teams in each group advance. The tournament is made up of pretty much every nation that has ever been ruled by England, ie. Australia, South Africa, and even the US. We didn't do very well, but that stands to reason - nobody in the US really cares. They make fun of us for wearing pads while playing football, but I say that inventing a game, then making all the countries you've invaded start playing it and having a tournament to see whose best is even sillier. I think we should take football to Spain and Italy have a Football World Cup.
Finally, the best quote I've seen from a Brit. This was written on an end of tour assessment about one of the surgeons. We get these as well and they say things like - performed such and such number of cases, helped with organizing lectures to train nurses, etc. They are very direct and to the point. But, this one went something like this:
'He never had an intellectual mind, but some other traits of his personality became evident during his stay. He showed himself to be a hard-headed man, endowed with an impenetrable soul and an obstinate determination to carry out his will no matter how mindless it might be.' Brilliant.
All for now.
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